As A Parent Of A Chronically Ill Child, I Wish People Would Stop Saying This

There have been so many situations in my life where, on reflection, I wish I had said something else; or, with hindsight, I realized that what I thought was an empathic comment actually missed the mark. Because the truth is, unless you’ve been in a situation, and lived it, it’s so tough to be able to imagine the reality of it.

As Oprah Winfrey said, “The struggle of my life created empathy – I could relate.” Experience equips us. Conversations with others having those experiences also help: hearing what has helped to them during a difficult time, or – as is sometimes the case – the very opposite.

Don’t get me wrong… sometimes the corkers people come out with are what gives the light relief in a moment of darkness: “They said WHAT?!! You. Are. Joking!”

But, despite the good intentions, if you’re in a vulnerable place, a poorly-judged comment can also nudge you a little further down a dark slope, and unfortunately the person’s original intent isn’t going to be visible to you when you’re in the shadow.

I’ve been on a pretty slippy parenting path since my twins (one of whom has a life-threatening incurable medical condition) arrived nearly 5 years ago. And I have to say, I’ve heard some absolute crackers in that time! So I thought I’d take my personal experience, looking from the inside out of this particular bubble, and compile a short list of some of the gems that have been said to me, that I would advise you to avoid.

Read more by Donna Hillyer at Scary Mommy

Sonia Smith-Kang